So you may or may not know that since April I have been having problems with my right arm. It started out as just being sore. It was the kinda sore that comes when you do something and over use it or stress it out. Then as time went on and I ignored it, it got to the point where my whole arm would just ache. I was losing strength in my arm, not able to open or hold things like before. And working on the computer would really make it hurt.
I went to the doctor went it felt like my elbow exploded. The urgent care doctor said I had tendonitis and to rest it. Well it didn’t help. I went to my primary care doctor who gave me some cortisone shots and other meds and told me I had tendonitis and carpal tunnel. I followed her advice but it never got better. Not even 2 weeks after the cortisone shot I was back in pain and it was getting worse.
I finally went to my ortho doctor and he promptly sent me off for nerve tests. I had an electromyogram or EMG and a nerve conduction study or NCS. The test themselves were quite a trip. Nothing like being poked and shocked.
The results of those tests were given to me yesterday at 3:30 by the doctor. The tests showed positive results for a pinched nerve in both arms, but nerve damage in my right. My ulnar nerve was trapped/pinched by my elbow. This is called cubital tunnel syndrome or ulnar nerve entrapment.
So what does all that mean. It means that I will have surgery to move the nerve and provide it more space. This will reduce the pressure on it and should take care of the pain, numbness, and such.
Currently I do not know the exact date of the surgery. The doctor wants to do it one week from today on 8/5. He said that I would be able to return to work on Monday. Thankfully I have enough vacation time to be able to take off 2 days. Until the surgery I am not supposed to lift anything more than a cup and to take it easy. I am taking Advil and pain medicine to help me deal.
Surgery and all this pain and trouble was not the route I was hoping to go, but as bad as my arm has hurt – I was willing to cut it off with a plastic butter knife. I will let everyone know when the date, time, and place is for the surgery.
I would love to have your prayers. Things are a bit rough currently and this is just another hurdle.
Faith – it’s something I have and don’t have. This week it dawned on me that I (in general) have more faith for others than I do in regards to myself.
I have believed from day 1 that the “top cats” venue would be the 86’s home. I knew that God would deliver the funds for us to close and I know He will deliver the means to do the remodel. I know that one day it will be my “job”. I believe all those things without a shadow of a doubt. Sure it may take awhile or the money may not come for 9 days past closing – but I knew God would provide.
The flip side of that is as I sit here there is a lot on my plate that only a divine intervention could fix. I have done all that I can think to do…I have prayed and I have tried to remedy the issues myself. And well neither have gotten me anywhere. I have prayed very specifically for the needs – listing the exact amount. Yet I have no faith that it will come through.
I am a child of God. I know that He doesn’t wish to see me suffer and that He provides for my needs. But as the rubber hits the road in this moment – I don’t see it happening.
Last night I shared this with the folks at The Connection. They know I am in over my head and need prayer and action.
I am trying to not speak the negative of all that is going on. I am trying to speak of the positive. I am trying to focus on where I do see God working. The verse below in bold is my cry right now.
Mark 9:23-25 (NIV)
“‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.”
Yesterday on the way home from work I was listening to the Christian rock station on Slacker and a Fireflight song came on. I had never heard it before but I fell in love with it as it played.
I wish I could put into words how encouraging it is for me currently, but I’ll just let the song speak for itself.
Enjoy!
For Those Who Wait – Fireflight
This is for those who wait
Another day, another waiting game
A little different but it’s still the same
I am here, but where’s the one I’m longing for?
I’m having trouble feeling all alone
Will my heart ever find a home?
I want to hope but sometimes I just don’t know
I know I’m not the only one
So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire, let it set you free
When you’re fighting to believe
In a love that you can’t see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait
I want to open up my eyes
I know that all I need is time
I’m growing stronger every single day
God, I’m going to lean into You now
Letting go of all my fear and doubt
I can’t do this on my own so I’ll give You control
I know I’m not the only one
The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
And the difference makes it worth it
I have been keeping a list of all the “house” stuff that I like for the new place. So I decided to use this entry as my own personal virtual post-it note.
So last night I had the pleasure of hanging with Livi and Jackson at my place. Katie needed some time to get some stuff done without the kiddos so they came to hang with Aunt Cindy.
I will readily admit I was a little nervous to be totally on my own with both of them. I didn’t grow up babysitting and I was an only child – so I feel kinda handicapped. But I love those two kiddos with all my heart and I love to spend time with them, so the nerves were just hurdles.
Livi wanted to watch their Hi-5 video. I am pretty sure it is the first time I have seen Hi-5. It is kinda odd but it captivated both Livi and Jackson. Jackson hung out in the floor playing with some toys and Livi danced and set on the couch (where Kaya joined her). After the DVD was over, Livi wanted me to play it again…so I did.
Jackson had been doing laps on my living room but he crawled over to me so I picked him up and had him in my lap. We were just chilling when Kaya just up in my lap as well. She took her normal place of laying on the footrest with her head on my leg. A few minutes later Livi turned around and realized everyone was curled up with me, so she came running over and snuggled up on the other side of my lap. Kaya got up (and without prompting) turned around and laid her head in Livi’s lap.
As we all sat there, I melted inside and out. I wanted a picture so bad but my arms were a little full. It was such a perfect little moment. Aunt Cindy was a giant ole puddle of awww.
we took a break from the tv and went and sat out on the front porch. I am not too sure why but all of the sudden Jackson started cracking up at Livi. It was that little baby/kid laughter that penetrates through you and makes you crack up too. Livi being the ham that she is, started making faces and jumping up and down to make Jackson laugh harder and harder. It was too cute and funny.
Well Livi wanted to go back inside for a bit, so we went and watched some Dora. I about fell off the couch when Livi was able to pick out the stethoscope from Dora’s backpack. She even knew it was used for listening.
Later we all were out in the back yard playing. Livi and Kaya were chasing each other and I had Jackson in my arms and we were spinning in circles. Both Livi and Jackson were laughing while playing and it was then that Livi ran up to me – put her arms around my legs to give me a hug and said “I love you Aunt Cindy.” MELT…of course I told her I loved her too and tried like heck to not break down into tears.
I may not be their “real” Aunt but I will do everything in my power to make sure they know I love them and that I am here for them.
The process of decorating the house as started. This time around I have some very specific things that I want to do. There are a lot of wall stickers that I want to use to give the place a different feel. One of those project is what I am calling the “family wall”.
Although I am not really an only child (if you don’t know that ask me sometime and I’ll explain) I have always been considered an only child because I grew up with just me, my Mom, and Dad. So “family” can be somewhat of a limiting term for me because many who I consider “family” are not related to me by blood. We are tied together by experience, similar vision/passion, and life. So for my “family wall” it will consist of more than just my blood relatives.
So want to know what the “family wall” looks like. (Well I don’t have pictures of it because it’s still in process.) But I have a brown wood cut of the word, family and around the word in various frames will be pictures of people I consider my family. The cool part is all of that will be over top of a wall sticker of a tree. I know it may not sound cool or it might be hard to picture, but trust me it will be amazing! I am leaning toward one of these trees (Tree 1 and Tree 2). Which one do you like?
I want to close this entry with a quote I found that I think really sums it up….
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. ~Erma Bombeck